In this guide, you will learn five simple steps to remember names of anyone you meet

Do you ever meet someone and forget their name immediately? It’s been two seconds and you already forgot their name, and of course, you cannot ask them… So what happens is, you have a full conversation full of shame and awkwardness, trying to avoid having to say their name. Well, hopefully, that is about to change and you will remember names much better. As I give you the steps we will practice the steps we learn with an example to make it stick!

Here are the five steps:

1. Focus
2. Folder
3. Image
4. Action
5. Review

Step 1: Focus – If you’re not listening, you’re not remembering

Let’s go over what happens when you meet someone. You walk up to them, extend your hand, shake their hand (yeah pre-COVID-19 was nice), and finally say “Hi my name is ___ “. Well, most of the time the person across you does the exact same thing and you end up focusing on getting your name out there, more than listening to what the other person has said. Do you see the problem here? The reason you forget the name of the person across you is simple… You haven’t heard their name in the first place! How can you remember something that you haven’t learned? To solve this problem do the two following actions:

• Action: As you approach the person, prime yourself to learn their name. Ask yourself the question, “What is her/his name?” This phrase enables you to focus on your objective which is to meet a new person and to remember the name of that person.
• Action: Let them speak first. There is no shame in introducing yourself two seconds later. Allow the other person to say their name first. Pro tip: Repeat their name back and say “Hi Steve, it’s nice to meet you. My name is ___”.

By applying these actions you have changed two things about the way you meet someone. First, you have primed your brain to accept information, rather than spit it out. Second, you have actually heard the name of the other person, giving yourself the chance to remember. A HUGE step up from where we started. But of course, this is just the beginning. I want to make sure you remember the names of the person across you indefinitely!

Step 2: Folder – Select a distinct facial feature for the person across you

How do you store a document on your computer, let’s say your weekly reports? You probably have a file titled “Weekly Reports“, and within that file, you probably have a bunch of documents that contain information. When you need a particular report, you go into the “Weekly Reports” folder and you retrieve the correct document. Your brain is very similar to that. You need a folder to store information, and you need to be able to access that folder to retrieve the information.

We will use this exact concept to remember names. However, there is a problem, when you meet someone, sadly you don’t have a folder readily available to you. Or do you?

So continuing from the analogy of documents, when we first meet someone, their name is the “document” we want to store. Instead of a folder, we can use a landmark on their face as a folder to store the document. So, now we have to select a feature from their face. The person across you might have a large nose, big ears, nice dimples. You don’t need to overthink it when you first look at a person, a feature will stand out.

• Action: When you meet someone new, look at their face and pick a distinctive feature. (Pro tip: Try not to choose something that could be removed such as sunglasses, or a nice beard.)

When you look at Steve, which facial feature stands out to you? For, the purpose of this article I will choose his eyes because they were the first distinctive feature that caught my attention. Let’s move onto the next step to better remember Steve’s name…

Step 3: Image – Turn names into images to make them more memorable

How many times have you said or heard the following phrase: “I’m good with faces, in fact, I don’t forget a face but I just can’t remember their… (wait for it)… NAME”. Well, there is a simple explanation for that. Our brains are wired to remember images, better than abstract things, such as our manmade names. Millions of years ago our ancestors did not know the name for an “apple” but they knew very well, what it looked like, what it tasted like, and even when to eat it. To them the word “apple” was irrelevant. After all, you cannot eat a word, but you can eat the red, round, juicy object that gives you energy.

This might come as a shock, however, as a species our brains haven’t evolved that much, we are still primed to remember images and visuals better than abstract things like “words” such as… you guessed it, names! However, knowing this, we can take advantage of this phenomenon. Instead of forcing our brain to learn something, it’s not comfortable with, let’s give the information in a format that it likes more.

Let’s go back to our new friend Steve. If I were to ask you to come up with an image, that would represent the name Steve, what would it be? For me, the image for Steve would be a “stove” because of the familiarity. Now that we have a folder, Steve’s Eyes and we have an image a stove. We are ready to move on to the next step.

If you want more examples of names for faces, Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas, word’s foremost memory specialists named by Time Magazine, have an amazing book titled “The Memory Book”. They have an entire section dedicated to learning faces.

Step 4: Action – Add an action to your image

Your brain best learns with action and emotion. Quick! Think of last Saturday what did you have for lunch? Unless it was a special event you probably do not remember. But If were to ask you to remember the last time injured yourself, now you remember it vividly. Why is that?

When you fell two things were going on. First, you were performing the action of falling. Second, you probably were scared of getting hurt. Again our primitive brain prioritizes remembering events that would favor your survival. Remembering Saturday meal ranks second compared to remembering how you fell down, how it felt like, and possibly figuring out a way to avoiding it.

We will use the inherent tendency of our brain to retain action and emotion to our advantage. Let’s go back to Steve for a second. We know that his eyes are our folder and his name is represented by a stove. Now, all we have to do is to combine Steve’s eyes, with a stove to come up with a unique action that would induce some kind of emotion. Here is what I came up with:

Imagine the following… You are lighting a stove under Steve’s blue eyes, which to me looks like ice. So, now I want you to imagine that Steve’s blue eyes like ice, that are melting from the heat of the stove. Not a pleasant image at all… BUT… I bet you that you will not forget Steve.

Step 5: Review – Putting everything together

Fast forward 3 weeks… You are on the street walking back home and you bump into Steve. You remember his face and it’s evident that he remembers you but what was his name? Well, luckily, the first time you met him, you took the time to make Steve memorable. In order to remember his name you just have to go over steps 2, 3, and 4. So, let’s do it together:

1. What is his folder, a.k.a his distinct feature? – Again, his blue eyes immediately stand out
2. What happens to his blue eyes? – OH, they’re melted by a flaming stove
3. Now think why did you pick a stove? – His name must be STEVE

Ok… I admit it. Initially, this might seem like A LOT of work to remember a single name. But it’s not about a single name. It’s about developing the system, the discipline in your mind to start thinking differently.

Sort story: Freshman year of college when I first learned this technique I found the perfect opportunity to try it out. During the orientation week, I met about 150 of my classmates. Each time I met someone new I would force myself to use this technique. With practice, it became easier. The process of remembering a name, initially took me 10–30 seconds, in the end, it took me about 5–7 seconds. My times have improved because I was:

• Accustomed to coming up with weird images
• Have developed images for names that kept coming up more frequently

Couple use cases for your new skill:

• At a conference, chances are you meet dozens of people. 
• You are a businessman or a salesperson you probably interact with many people and you have to remember their names the next time you see them. 
• If you’re a teacher or a professor you need to learn the names of your pupils. 

In short, the applications are wide-ranging and it is up to you to start remembering these names. In his timeless book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie said:

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language…Using a person’s name is crucial, especially when meeting those we don’t see very often. Respect and acceptance stem from simple acts such as remembering a person’s name and using it whenever appropriate….We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering their names.”

Dale Carnegie

I’ll leave you with a couple of examples of names for inspiration:

Remember, there are no rights or wrongs, feel free to be inspired by these names, but also come up with what makes sense for YOU.

• Brian – brain
• Abby – a bee
• Heather – feather
• Ron – run (a person running)
• Cris – Cross
• Mark – A giant “X”
• Ben – $100 bill or The Big Ben

If you liked this post, you might also like How to Stop Forgetting what you read?